When I was younger there was something so exciting about the moment when a plane leaves the ground and starts its ascent. Engines roaring, seat belt fastened, the speed of the aircraft followed by the lift & pull. The change in the atmosphere, ears popping, the trees becoming miniatures of their former selves. Take-off.
It's an adventure: an unknown is ahead, romantic mystery. Thrill. But, these days, the take-off isn't so thrilling as it is nauseating.
I'm changing. In between something I was and something I will be. I think we constantly live partially in these "phases" but its really something to be able to consider oneself unbiasedly and recognize the changing. I want to explore and see and revel in that mystery. --The mystery of an unknown adventure. But I also want the comfort of home, the warm space that is familiar and mine. I want to bound across countries, shake the hands of its people, eat exotic foods I have never heard of, experience sunrise in a new place... but then? Then I want to take a picture of it all, freezing all of the emotion and thrill and hang it on my wall. The wall of a home I return to every single day.
I'm in a phase, neither grown up, but also not young enough anymore to blame my mistakes on age. Life seems more fragile and complicated in ways, but also more joyful and meaningful in others. Life is more satisfying, yet requires so much more from us.
A younger 'me' didn't want to miss out on any of it. Not one single thing. Like a child who places their hand on a hot stove out of inexperience I bravely (or foolishly) made choices that sometimes had burning consequences. Now, those things that I recklessly raced towards seem insignificant in light of the knowledge I have now. My definition of living is night and day compared to those days.
I guess we all get to that point & its a process we can't skip or fast forward. But to experience things now and remember how I would have perceived them in my earlier years is bizarre.
So here is to growing, to changing, to settling. To exploring, and living. To transformations and new beginnings. To comforting unknowns, to taking risks-- some calculated, and some just plain crazy. And to trusting myself ---to trusting ourselves.
-a
Such a touching post - very motivational. Life is an adventure and throws us many curve balls.
ReplyDeleteI recently started hosting a link up on Mondays called "Motivational Monday" I think this would be a great post to link up if you would like.
living-the-moment.blogspot.com
So full of contradictions but makes perfect sense. Life is one big contradiction. Life is going by sooo fast, it can be hard to take it all in. So beautifully written, it just flowed. We have moved 6 times in 8 years and I finally feel like I am home again but don't think we will stay here for more then 3 years. Better soak it up while I can! Have a good one!
ReplyDeleteI love this! I feel like I could have written it myself. Lately I've been craving a new adventure - a new challenge, just something "new." But at the same time I'm totally content and comfortable where I am. Do I want to jeapardize that? Hmmmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post, it's totally how I'm feeling right now in this season of life. I really struggle that with the whole paradox of choice in life, meaning that by making a choice, you are ultimately giving up something else. By us choosing to live in Lake Tahoe, we're missing out on living somewhere else. By us constantly traveling, we're missing out on digging in deep into a community. There are always tradeoffs and sometimes I stress out about what we're giving up instead of what's being gained...but at the end of the day I know the Lord has it all figured out, so I try not to stress...but it's really hard not too!
ReplyDeleteHope you're doing well girl! Xoxo
Ashley this was a great read. It's interesting to think about living your life in phases..rather than chapters or moments. I feel much like you to in this crazy process of learning, growing up and figuring out exactly who I am and I'm on a mission to enjoy every moment. I look forward to reading more of yours!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!!! Very inspring and so true. So many phases in life that offer spurts of adventure and the longing to go and see other places. But nothing beats home. And luckily, it will always be there.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful, inspiring, well written post. I really enjoyed reading this. It's a surreal feeling when you hit a moment where you realize you've grown up, and realize that those moments you wanted to rush to when you were younger are now here in front of you. It can be scary, but also incredibly encouraging to see all the things you've gone through to get to the point you're in now. Even if it's in the middle <3
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing!
I love that quote! To be honest I feel like we are always trying to find ourselves & learn. I don't think it ever stops. Or that we ever stop growing. Love your new blog design - GORGEOUS picture of you on the sidebar!
ReplyDeleteYou go, girl. I love every word you said- so many of us are in a state of transition (or will be soon!) and need to remember that change and growth are inevitable and something we have the choice to embrace or not. Here's to new beginnings...I like that one :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this so so much right now. And to be honest? I don't deal well with transitional periods in my life. It's crazy to realize that we are growing up, that we're really not teenagers anymore, that I'm starting to relate more to 30 year olds than to 21 year olds. I'm 25 and it's a weird year man. A weird year indeed.
ReplyDeleteSuch wise words. I can understand where you are at but it is good that you acknowledge it and can experience the change while going through it!
ReplyDeleteHoly batman everything you said never rang truer. I am just about to touch the tip of my 20's and cross that threshold into a new decade and it's terrifying and exciting all at the same time. So I'll definitely raise my glass to growing and changing and basically all the above. :)
ReplyDeleteI think we can all relate to this moment. Very good post. Left me really thinking. :)
ReplyDeleteThe last paragraph of this post was perfection, and I really needed to read it. I'm on the cusp of change again and I'm constantly reminding myself that new beginnings and change are essential to growth and to trust that it will all work out as it should, even if it's scary as hell! :)
ReplyDeleteyou are such an awesome writer Ash! i loved this! and i kind of feel in an in between/unsettled phase too (only i wasn't brave enough to write about it on my blog - just in my journal). i seriously loved our time together so much and I am so serious about coming to visit you and J and B when you get all settled! love you!
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