|one of our engagement pictures from 2010|
If you are a regular here you know we packed up from sunny California and headed back to Michigan with every intention to park it and stay here! And when we got back to Kalamazoo (where this isn't a ton of housing to be had in the first place) we literally could not find anyplace to live. We decided to stay with J's parents until we could figure out what was going on.... that was back in August.
So as the weeks went on, Jonathan has been interviewing and trying to figure out what a good permanent fit for us would be. Meanwhile, the job he has been working at since August has let him know that if he wanted to, he could continue working with them through February. He made it clear he was searching for a permanent job and they said they totally understood but the job was still available to him if he wanted it. So Jonathan ended up receiving a few job offers and we talked about it and just felt like since we haven't met our financial goals that maybe he should decline the permanent positions and continue to work as a "traveler" for the company he has been working for since August.
He made that decision to do that, declined the permanent jobs, called his current company to tell them that he was committed to working for them until February and they responded with an "oh...oops...we were't sure what you were doing so, uh...we hired someone else". BAM. Punch in the stomach.
We were not expecting that to happen. They ended up apologizing for miscommunication, but that still has left Jonathan without a job as of last Thursday.
He ended up calling back the jobs he had declined, one is in Holland Michigan about an hour from where we are in Kalamazoo and one is here in Kalamazoo. The Holland position is still open, and I am sure the Kalamazoo job is something he could pursue and take as well but that is where our dilemma comes in. The reason he said no to these in the first place is because by taking them we really wouldn't have much financial flexibility. I would probably have to take on additional work until my photography picks back up in the spring with weddings and such.
So do we travel, and continue making that really awesome money and meet our housing downpayment financial goal? And also be away from family, perhaps even out of state again? Or do we take the permanent job, and trust that everything will work out. Trust that I will be healthy enough to work at least part-time? Trust that we will still be able to save money and purchase a home at some point? Trust that if I happen to get pregnant and stay pregnant that Jonathan's income alone will sustain us?
It's been a lot of stress. We have talked through pro's and con's, prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. It's so hard when you are praying so fervently and feel like there is no answer coming. We know God answers prayer in His time, but we don't feel like we are being swayed in one direction or the other. It's like He is saying "I've brought you here, I trust you to decide well for yourselves" but we are freaking out going "NO, Jesus, just please decide for us! AHH!" It is scary and hard, more than we ever expected.
But in these past five days Jonathan and I have grown even closer than we have ever been. And I am so proud of him, SO proud of that amazing husband of mine. I can only imagine the stress our husband's carry if they are the sole provider in our families. What a huge weight to bear, that they are directly responsible for our well-being and livelihood. I don't think I could handle that pressure on me. And Jonathan is so diligent about weighing the options and making a good decision for our family. Last night I woke up at 1am and Jonathan wasn't in bed...I walked through the house and found him in the office, laying flat, face down on the carpet. At first I was worried he was ill but when I asked what the HECK he was doing he said "praying". ---And that is the man I married. And that is why, no matter what happens to us in the next few days or weeks, I know we will be okay. Because we our both seeking God and His will with every single fiber of our being.
I hope to be able to share with you all just what we will be doing, where we will be living very soon but until then, shoot up a little prayer for us. And go out and vote today while you are at it!
and check back here tomorrow for a giveaway geared towards the men in our lives :)